Posts Tagged ‘blogging’

this is me

                          This is me

I’ve written and deleted many similar posts over the last year but I thought that it was time I answered this question.

So where have I disappeared to over the last couple of years?

I suppose I should go back some ways to where I was when I first went missing. When you last heard from me I was managing a call centre for a group of car dealerships. I enjoyed the role and in the set up phase of the department I enjoyed the challenge but it was hardly fulfilling and financially it got to the point where Mrs BC and I were paying for me to go to work. Childcare costs were spiraling out of control and when you add in the cost of petrol and feeding myself it was just no longer viable to continue in my role and the decision was made for me to become a full-time dad and Mrs BC (she’s a lawyer) to become the primary breadwinner of the family.

I won’t begin to even try to gloss over this, it has been tough on us as a family and me as a man, I am a shit cleaner, really really shit, Mrs BC blames Granny BC for spoiling me. I have had to find ways to entertain the kids, I have had to try to keep everything running smoothly. I have had to try to keep my macho head screwed on to my emasculated body. The first year disappeared almost instantly in a blur of kiddy play centres and chaos.

Photographically I did a small amount of work, you probably saw a little bit of it here, other bits I failed to blog about as I withdrew further and further up my own rear end. I began hiding things from my wife, I chose to hide my boredom and dissatisfaction with my lot, I became very good at putting on a mask. I was basically spiralling into the black hole of depression without picking up on it myself.

I should have known better, many people close to me over the years have suffered from depression. I always tried to be supportive but I never really understood why they couldn’t fix things with a few beers and a hangover.

Well anyway I’m an arsehole, DEPRESSION is an evil bitch and it will sneak up and bite you in the arse. I won’t go into the details of the big row that nearly ended my marriage to the one I love most in this world but it did make me wake up and speak up. I first visited my GP to discuss my head in January 2014 and the long slow road to trying various drugs, reading a million things about depression and eventually a little therapy, this is ongoing and I am by no means fixed but I’m going to jump around a bit for those who don’t know me outside of the blogosphere.

Anyway back into the chronology of where I’ve been, Mrs BC managed to secure a role with a new firm in the West Country of England and I managed to persuade her that it was now or never that we should escape London (Croydon’s) smog and we managed to sell up and buy a new bigger, shinier, although less characterful home in a small town about 20 miles south of Bristol.

While awaiting the long, slow, tedious process of house moving Granny BC and Grand Dad BC visited from Zimbabwe and we managed to spend a delightful week getting pissed with them in Malta. It was a much-needed interlude in the whole stressful process of packing up the last eightish years and dealing with lawyers and estate agents and all those other people Mrs BC normally has power over and didn’t.

Once back on Mud Island things progressed simultaneously at snail’s pace and a million miles an hour. We decided to hire someone to pack and move everything, (this was a disaster that may be the subject of a future post). Mrs BC began her job on the other side of the country and negotiations floundered and nearly collapsed as our buyers solicitor seemed incapable of pulling their finger out of their bottom and picking up the phone. I’ll say nothing more at the risk of inadvertently calling him an incompetent prat or something similar when I honestly am not qualified to judge their ability to do their job.

The day to leave our first family home came, everything we owned was packed into a couple of lorries and cars and we moved along the M4 to our new seaside home.

I began the process of unpacking lots and lots of stuff, deciding on the DIY priorities and what was best left to the professionals. Gold and maroon wallpaper and flooring were definitely delegated to others while I changed cupboard doors and did IKEA assembly and shelf hanging etc. I even built myself a little pub in the garden shed.

I might do a post about my pub one day too.

I quickly found a new GP as whilst I’d managed to secure a prescription for enough medication to see me through somehow during the move the repeat prescription had been mislaid and stocks were dangerously low. I saw several new doctors and was essentially dismissed as a drama queen. Mrs BC eventually stepped in as she had luckily come across a competent and lovely young doctor and with a quiet word from my beloved she agreed to see me. She immediately doubled my medication and referred me to a counselling service.

Daily walks on the beach with the dogs (oh yes we got a new dog too, I’ll tell you about her another time) were doing me wonders and then my eldest was due to start school, real school with a uniform and a dickhead in charge kind of school. My youngest was sent off to a nursery for a couple of mornings a week. My head melted. I was no longer needed. I disagreed with the headmaster, I must be a bad parent because everything I thought I’d learned was suddenly under question.

I undertook an eight week group cognitive therapy course. It helped a lot, I have learned many coping mechanisms for my illness, I have also come to realise that this illness has manifested itself in me many times in the past and I’ve gotten through. I will get through again.

Today though I have reached the point where I have been weaned off my medication and am without therapy. I am not on speaking terms with my eldest’s headmaster. Mostly because he has no clue how to deal with adults who don’t immediately click their heels together and shout “Sieg heil mein Führer” when he says something should be so.

I am still positive though because I’m not going to finish writing this post before I see my GP to discuss future medications and I’ve also received a phone call since I started writing about coming in for a future therapy assessment on a one to one basis.

I apologise for neglecting you my friends, you have always been there for me and never judged me. Putting all of the above down on metaphorical paper has truly helped me. I need to talk to my friends both here and in the real world and I hope that at least one person who reads this will open up to those that they love. Depression is a disease, it is nothing to be ashamed of, mental illnesses have too much stigma and people have their own problems but everyone should be open to discussing the irrational shit in their heads. This video might help.

I am not going to promise that I’ll be a better blogger but if you do still care about me then please pop over to Facebook and say hello, I spend a lot more time there at the moment than I do here. Otherwise I always read all of my comments here and occasionally pop into blogs like Cindy’s and TBM’s. They’re good people, you should read about what they have to say.

Don’t be a douche like me and hide behind a happy funny mask.

If you’d like to hear more from me then please let me know in the comments and or subscribe.

TTFN

Mr Bunny Chow aka Rob the Douche

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A couple of weeks ago I created a post asking for advice from you my dear friends of the blogosphere and in return I offered a print to my favourite comment, we’ll get to the winner in a moment but I just wanted to apologise first for being so quiet of late, I’ve been incredibly busy around the house with the boys. I’ve also been out and about on the town with the wonderful creative partnership that is Lenses of Croydon I’m really excited to have become involved with them and no doubt you will be hearing more from me about them in the coming weeks months and years.

I have decided for the time being not to exhibit my work, this is in the most part due to the cost vs. reward I’m sure you all understand that raising kids is not a cheap exercise and whilst I’m fairly confident that the exhibition would have just about broken even I’m not confident that any real money would have been made and when belts are as tight as mine and Mrs BC’s even the small outlay is beyond the current budget.

I of course reserve the right as always to change my mind in the future when metaphoric belts are loosened.

Thank you all for your feedback I greatly appreciate it.

Back to excuses, I have managed to complete a diploma in photography, I doubt it’s going to make me any money either but I thoroughly enjoyed it and certainly learned a fair bit. Since completing it I’ve enrolled on another course with www.camera-school.co.uk. I’ve picked up a little freelance web design work for a local photographer and am deep within the throes of forcing my eldest to abandon Nappies/Diapers in favour of the big boys toilet. My youngest also stole my mouse and has a habit of switching off the computer in the middle of whatever I am doing so if this post seems disjointed that would be because I’ve abandoned and returned to it several times in fits of rage.

Oh yes, my favourite feedback actually came through Google+ and was made by an old school friend the hugely talented musician Matthew Gair, I’ve written about him before although not for some time so please do take a moment to give him a listen.

I’ve included a few recent pictures below from my adventures with the Lenses of Croydon Family for your perusal and commenting pleasure.

Big Cock

Big Cock

Man in a snakeskin suit

Man in a snakeskin suit

Desire

Desire

Smile London

Smile London

Thank you all again

TTFN

Mr Bunny Chow

and to follow on, here come the big cats, well and some meerkats because, well because they’re cute and some jellyfish because they’re pretty.

The light on the day way dire to say the least and my primary focus was ensuring I didn’t lose the kids in the crowds too often, I still came away with a couple of shots that I am over the moon with and several hundred more for the scrap-heap.

as previously shared

as previously shared

darn sticks

darn sticks

my favourite picture of the day

my favourite picture of the day

here kitty kitty

here kitty kitty

lioness

 

am I regal enough?

am I regal enough?

 

ok I'll move along then

ok I’ll move along then

 

why hello there

why hello there

it wasn't us we're innocent I tell you

it wasn’t us we’re innocent I tell you

 

we're

we're not aliens

we’re not aliens

I hope you like them and please do add your thoughts and comments to the section below, I’m obviously emotionally attached to the pictures and critiques and ideas are always welcome.

Hope you’re having a great day.

TTFN

Mr Bunny Chow

 

OK well laziness might not be the right answer, being a full-time dad is extremely time-consuming and if I’m honest probably quite dull to my readership, I’ve also been suffering from technical difficulties relating to security settings on my computer that kept logging me out of WordPress, I think I’ve now resolved that issue and promise I will try to get back to keeping you updated on a more regular basis.

My photography hasn’t slowed down although my editing has and as such I’ve been very naughty about sharing any of that with you either.

still here’s a couple of shots from the other night where I went out and played with some long exposures.

le audi le me le park

I’ve also spent a bit of time playing around with a small home studio Mrs BC bought me for Christmas.

f250 port zeiss f252 f253

Hope you’re all well

TTFN

Mr Bunny Chow

2012 in review

Posted: 02/01/2013 in Mr Bunny Chow
Tags:

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 6,200 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 10 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

I know I’m multi posting again but wanted to know which of these two versions of the same shot everyone prefered.

You all know I love black and white but I can’t decide on this one.

colour copper

or

B&W with vignette

Answers on a postcard below please

TTFN

Mr Bunny Chow

P.S. I don’t think he was actually taking a leak it’s just an unfortunate pose.

 

the theme this week was architecture and given that I’m lucky enough to live in a city full of wonderful architecture all I had to do was get on a train and take a picture of St Paul’s, the Tower of London, or even one of the modern monstrosities like the Shard or Gherkin.

Now where would the fun be in that, it’s just not my style to do things the easy way and anyway I really wanted to try to capture some of the gritty old buildings in my own town of Croydon (a suburb on the Southern outskirts of Greater London) it doesn’t have the best reputation and I’m sure that some of you at least will remember the images of large swathes of it being on fire during last years rioting.

I’ve lived here going on for 10 years now and despite one burglary have been fortunate enough to personally avoid any incidences of street crime or antisocial behavior, maybe I look tough or maybe I just look poor, I certainly am not stupid enough to think that this isn’t a tough area and I don’t take too many risks.

anyway this weeks theme has turned into a bit of a photo essay with lots of grimy gritty shots and odd injections of colour.

end of terrace

Above is the end of terrace shot I chose for my actual project submission mostly because I like the strong contrast and lines.

opposite end

This is the opposite end of the same row of terraces.

Grimey Pub

despite walking past this pub almost every day it is so dingy and grimey that I’ve never even ventured through its doors and I like pubs with atmosphere and sawdust on the floor.

honestly it’s lovely

There’s a really odd mix of light industrial buildings mixed in with Victorian era terraces, if it wasn’t for all the satellite dishes this picture could have been taken any time in the last 100 years.

what happened to the window

see there is colour here, one wonders what happened to the window though.

union doors

I love the way these doors look like a union flag

door to nowhere

I can’t recall if it was the door or the pipe that were wonky

an injection of colour

I just liked the lines and colour of this factory

come and visit

it’s a truly lovely corner of south-east England

beach house anyone?

I can honestly think of no reason why there is an Art Deco beach apartment block in the middle of this industrial estate.

who knows

again I’m at a loss as to the point of these decorative touches.

it’s not all bad though

there are some truly lovely architectural touches too.

And nature is even trying to reclaim some of the more hideous buildings

There is even some interesting textures available to be had

I hope that you’ve enjoyed this little porthole into my local architecture and the area where I live.

Next week we’re going to be talking about love and what that means so keep your diaries free.

Please let me know what you think in the comments section below

TTFN

Mr Bunny Chow