Posts Tagged ‘Being dad’

this is me

                          This is me

I’ve written and deleted many similar posts over the last year but I thought that it was time I answered this question.

So where have I disappeared to over the last couple of years?

I suppose I should go back some ways to where I was when I first went missing. When you last heard from me I was managing a call centre for a group of car dealerships. I enjoyed the role and in the set up phase of the department I enjoyed the challenge but it was hardly fulfilling and financially it got to the point where Mrs BC and I were paying for me to go to work. Childcare costs were spiraling out of control and when you add in the cost of petrol and feeding myself it was just no longer viable to continue in my role and the decision was made for me to become a full-time dad and Mrs BC (she’s a lawyer) to become the primary breadwinner of the family.

I won’t begin to even try to gloss over this, it has been tough on us as a family and me as a man, I am a shit cleaner, really really shit, Mrs BC blames Granny BC for spoiling me. I have had to find ways to entertain the kids, I have had to try to keep everything running smoothly. I have had to try to keep my macho head screwed on to my emasculated body. The first year disappeared almost instantly in a blur of kiddy play centres and chaos.

Photographically I did a small amount of work, you probably saw a little bit of it here, other bits I failed to blog about as I withdrew further and further up my own rear end. I began hiding things from my wife, I chose to hide my boredom and dissatisfaction with my lot, I became very good at putting on a mask. I was basically spiralling into the black hole of depression without picking up on it myself.

I should have known better, many people close to me over the years have suffered from depression. I always tried to be supportive but I never really understood why they couldn’t fix things with a few beers and a hangover.

Well anyway I’m an arsehole, DEPRESSION is an evil bitch and it will sneak up and bite you in the arse. I won’t go into the details of the big row that nearly ended my marriage to the one I love most in this world but it did make me wake up and speak up. I first visited my GP to discuss my head in January 2014 and the long slow road to trying various drugs, reading a million things about depression and eventually a little therapy, this is ongoing and I am by no means fixed but I’m going to jump around a bit for those who don’t know me outside of the blogosphere.

Anyway back into the chronology of where I’ve been, Mrs BC managed to secure a role with a new firm in the West Country of England and I managed to persuade her that it was now or never that we should escape London (Croydon’s) smog and we managed to sell up and buy a new bigger, shinier, although less characterful home in a small town about 20 miles south of Bristol.

While awaiting the long, slow, tedious process of house moving Granny BC and Grand Dad BC visited from Zimbabwe and we managed to spend a delightful week getting pissed with them in Malta. It was a much-needed interlude in the whole stressful process of packing up the last eightish years and dealing with lawyers and estate agents and all those other people Mrs BC normally has power over and didn’t.

Once back on Mud Island things progressed simultaneously at snail’s pace and a million miles an hour. We decided to hire someone to pack and move everything, (this was a disaster that may be the subject of a future post). Mrs BC began her job on the other side of the country and negotiations floundered and nearly collapsed as our buyers solicitor seemed incapable of pulling their finger out of their bottom and picking up the phone. I’ll say nothing more at the risk of inadvertently calling him an incompetent prat or something similar when I honestly am not qualified to judge their ability to do their job.

The day to leave our first family home came, everything we owned was packed into a couple of lorries and cars and we moved along the M4 to our new seaside home.

I began the process of unpacking lots and lots of stuff, deciding on the DIY priorities and what was best left to the professionals. Gold and maroon wallpaper and flooring were definitely delegated to others while I changed cupboard doors and did IKEA assembly and shelf hanging etc. I even built myself a little pub in the garden shed.

I might do a post about my pub one day too.

I quickly found a new GP as whilst I’d managed to secure a prescription for enough medication to see me through somehow during the move the repeat prescription had been mislaid and stocks were dangerously low. I saw several new doctors and was essentially dismissed as a drama queen. Mrs BC eventually stepped in as she had luckily come across a competent and lovely young doctor and with a quiet word from my beloved she agreed to see me. She immediately doubled my medication and referred me to a counselling service.

Daily walks on the beach with the dogs (oh yes we got a new dog too, I’ll tell you about her another time) were doing me wonders and then my eldest was due to start school, real school with a uniform and a dickhead in charge kind of school. My youngest was sent off to a nursery for a couple of mornings a week. My head melted. I was no longer needed. I disagreed with the headmaster, I must be a bad parent because everything I thought I’d learned was suddenly under question.

I undertook an eight week group cognitive therapy course. It helped a lot, I have learned many coping mechanisms for my illness, I have also come to realise that this illness has manifested itself in me many times in the past and I’ve gotten through. I will get through again.

Today though I have reached the point where I have been weaned off my medication and am without therapy. I am not on speaking terms with my eldest’s headmaster. Mostly because he has no clue how to deal with adults who don’t immediately click their heels together and shout “Sieg heil mein Führer” when he says something should be so.

I am still positive though because I’m not going to finish writing this post before I see my GP to discuss future medications and I’ve also received a phone call since I started writing about coming in for a future therapy assessment on a one to one basis.

I apologise for neglecting you my friends, you have always been there for me and never judged me. Putting all of the above down on metaphorical paper has truly helped me. I need to talk to my friends both here and in the real world and I hope that at least one person who reads this will open up to those that they love. Depression is a disease, it is nothing to be ashamed of, mental illnesses have too much stigma and people have their own problems but everyone should be open to discussing the irrational shit in their heads. This video might help.

I am not going to promise that I’ll be a better blogger but if you do still care about me then please pop over to Facebook and say hello, I spend a lot more time there at the moment than I do here. Otherwise I always read all of my comments here and occasionally pop into blogs like Cindy’s and TBM’s. They’re good people, you should read about what they have to say.

Don’t be a douche like me and hide behind a happy funny mask.

If you’d like to hear more from me then please let me know in the comments and or subscribe.

TTFN

Mr Bunny Chow aka Rob the Douche

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and to follow on, here come the big cats, well and some meerkats because, well because they’re cute and some jellyfish because they’re pretty.

The light on the day way dire to say the least and my primary focus was ensuring I didn’t lose the kids in the crowds too often, I still came away with a couple of shots that I am over the moon with and several hundred more for the scrap-heap.

as previously shared

as previously shared

darn sticks

darn sticks

my favourite picture of the day

my favourite picture of the day

here kitty kitty

here kitty kitty

lioness

 

am I regal enough?

am I regal enough?

 

ok I'll move along then

ok I’ll move along then

 

why hello there

why hello there

it wasn't us we're innocent I tell you

it wasn’t us we’re innocent I tell you

 

we're

we're not aliens

we’re not aliens

I hope you like them and please do add your thoughts and comments to the section below, I’m obviously emotionally attached to the pictures and critiques and ideas are always welcome.

Hope you’re having a great day.

TTFN

Mr Bunny Chow

 

The below is list of a couple idea’s I’ve come up with to get me through my days as a stay at home dad and their pros and cons instead of resorting to the television.

  •  Books

Pros: 

books are cool,

books are educational,

books are colourful,

books are entertaining,

books contain characters from television.

Cons: 

Books are edible,

books can be used as a weapon,

books are repetitive, seriously we own hundreds of kids books why do we need to read Fireman Sam again, oh yes it has a siren.

see a siren, who's idea was that? they didn't have kids I can tell you that much

see a siren, whose idea was that? they didn’t have kids I can tell you that much

Toddlers can destroy a book in seconds.

Yes that is the same duck as it was when we read this book five minutes ago. No no, ducks are fine, no I’m not reading Fireman Sam again.

ouch that’s my head, ouch, ok who wants something to eat?

  • Art

Pros: 

Educational,

quiet,

productive, can show Mrs BC we’ve achieved something.

Cons: 

Crayons are edible,

washable is marketing speak or lying,

no Daddy doesn’t want to draw you a snake, spider, Scooby Doo, etc. etc. etc.

Paint, do I need to say more?

Glue, do I need to say more?

that special shade of shit, I know, I know I’m supposed to coo and go ooh my babies made that but seriously it’s tough.

see those lines, yeah the kid missed them too

see those lines, yeah the kid missed them too

  • The Play Cafe

Pros: 

They’re relatively safe

They love it

They interact with other kids

Cons:

Other people’s children……

Extortionate prices

Clingy kids

They do their best, but by midday everything is bound to be sticky (I fear my kids are largely to blame here)

I’ve only just scratched the surface here but if anyone asks what I’ve been up to with all my free time since I’ve been home with my kids I’ll point them here and suggest that they give it a go sometime.

I mean seriously has anyone actually done a study that suggests the maximum amount of television it’s OK to let a toddler watch, is 12 hours a day too much?

TTFN

Mr Bunny Chow

P.S. the reality is they get no weekday daytime television unless Zimbabwe are playing cricket and then they get that. Doesn’t make it any easier to say no to them every day though.

I’m sure I’ve written before about the genius who is Amber of http://www.crappypictures.com her insightful and hilarious posts are well worth following whether you are a parent or not, but today she has published the post I’m re-blogging wholesale below, I’m sure that every parent of toddlers can relate.

P.S. she’s got a book coming out, go and buy it from amazon

Enjoy

TTFN

Mr Bunny Chow

(Attention: If this is the first post of mine you’ve ever read you might think I’m one of those bitter parents who don’t seem to like their kids very much. You might even be inspired to say nasty and judgmental things in the comments. Dude. Get a grip. The rest of this blog isn’t like this. Well, not usually. But everyone snaps at some point. This week? I’ve snapped.)  

Jobs.

You know what the best part of having jobs always was for me? Quitting them. Sure, I had a couple jobs I actually liked, the best being an indie video store in college(Bongo Video in Madison, WI – now closed, sadly) but I had plenty of really crappy ones. Glory was found in quitting.

One of my first jobs as a teenager was so horrible and demeaning that I pissed on the uniform* and then returned it in a grocery bag. When I handed the bag over I said, “This job sucks. I quit.”

It was that bad.

So now I’m a parent. People have long compared parenting to having a job. You hear quotes all the time like “the hardest job you’ll ever love” and stuff like that.

Well you know what? Parenting isn’t just hard.

This job sucks. I quit.

Ahhh, there’s the rub. You can’t quit. Ever.

Oh but I daydream about it sometimes. Don’t you?

When I’m at the bottom of the pit of despair (otherwise known as circling the drain)I daydream about quitting. I envision myself walking out the front door, down the front steps and onto the street. From there I hitchhike and somehow wind up backpacking across Spain. There are wildflowers and country villas and all kinds of lovely things. Complete freedom. Alone.

I’ve even gotten so far as to actually walk out that front door. Course I don’t get past the steps. Instead I collapse onto them and cry my eyes out.

Parenting can be brutal.

Endless.

And I try really hard to be a “good” parent. To give my kids attention and respect. But you know what?

Sometimes I just want to tell them to fuck off.

Sometimes, this is what I WANT to say versus what I REALLY say…

 

 

parenting-i-quit-1

parenting-i-quit-2

Oh and those toys that NEVER get picked up? That are covering every surface of my entire house no matter how many times I ask them to pick them up?

Well…

parenting-i-quit-3

parenting-i-quit-4

Sigh. And they still rarely help.

In addition to the “I don’t like you” thing, he also says “Go Away!” all the time.

parenting-i-quit-5

parenting-i-quit-6

And we all know there is nothing worse than a kid who won’t go to sleep.

parenting-i-quit-7

parenting-i-quit-8

The pee denial annoys the crap out of me. (This was age 3-4.5 with Crappy Boy. And currently with Crappy Baby. Yay.)

parenting-i-quit-9

parenting-i-quit-10

And that contradictions thing they do?

parenting-i-quit-11

parenting-i-quit-12

And this happens almost daily…

parenting-i-quit-13

He ignores me. Followed immediately by him falling.

parenting-i-quit-14

parenting-i-quit-15

And after all of these things happen in just one day…

Crappy Papa comes home.

parenting-i-quit-16

parenting-i-quit-17

Then I usually hand him something with pee on it.

Some things never change.

 

————

*Yes, I really peed on the uniform. True story. It was a gas station. 

And admittedly, sometimes I do say what I want to say. Not perfect. Especially during weeks like this. Haven’t set fire to any toys yet though. Yet.  

this guy appears to have just blogged about my life, I guess all three year olds or at least his and mine have similar outlooks on life

Enjoy and

TTFN

Mr Bunny Chow

Spaghetti is totally great, but umm…is this dinner or arthroscopic surgery? “Here’s some delicious hair that you’re incapable of eating!”

Why is it that I can’t eat as many vitamins as I want? If they’re good for me, but apparently more than two will result in liver failure, why make them taste like candy? Seems a little dangerous, no?

The rules of the game Tag are backwards. If I’m “it” I should be the one being chased. That’s all. It’s not really a joke I guess, but sometimes I just bleed truth up here.

I don’t get clothes. It’s the 21st century and we’re still using zippers? I want to talk to the manager. Or is it by design that I won’t be able to put on my own coat until I’m 45 years old?

You know what I’m not looking forward to? Shoes with laces.  What is this, the renaissance?  You’re gonna want me to TIE my shoes on? I’m not Robin Hood.  Or should I start jousting too? THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH VELCRO.

The bathroom. Basically…no. Why exactly would I sit on a hard cold seat that’s like 100 feet off the ground when I can just go in a diaper while watching TV? That way I can help Dora find the wishing crystal AND crap at the same time. It’s called multitasking.

Here’s an impression of my dad:  (deep dorky voice) “Ok, no more screen time today, buddy!” as he stares at his phone! Whatever happened to parents setting a good example?  On the count of three, I’ll put down the iPad if you turn off your phone. Oh, no deal? Thought so. I usually turn it up after that just to teach HIM a lesson. It’s a two way street, my friend.

I think we can all agree that the vacuum cleaner is an evil beast, right? STOP TAKING ALL THE FOOD I LEFT ON THE FLOOR. You assume I’m not planning on eating that Cheerio next to the bookcase? I might not want to today, but you’d rather it sit uneaten in the belly of that electric animal? I thought I wasn’t supposed to waste food. Plus, I know it stole that plastic ring I got from the machine outside of Best Buy.

ARLO OUT!

(Drop the mic)

OK well laziness might not be the right answer, being a full-time dad is extremely time-consuming and if I’m honest probably quite dull to my readership, I’ve also been suffering from technical difficulties relating to security settings on my computer that kept logging me out of WordPress, I think I’ve now resolved that issue and promise I will try to get back to keeping you updated on a more regular basis.

My photography hasn’t slowed down although my editing has and as such I’ve been very naughty about sharing any of that with you either.

still here’s a couple of shots from the other night where I went out and played with some long exposures.

le audi le me le park

I’ve also spent a bit of time playing around with a small home studio Mrs BC bought me for Christmas.

f250 port zeiss f252 f253

Hope you’re all well

TTFN

Mr Bunny Chow

oh dear oh dear where has the month gone.

I promise I’m still alive I’ve just been looking after the boys and ignoring all of you lovely people in the blogosphere, just goes to show how much of my writing was done in those forgotten things they call luncheon breaks.

Anyhoo, I’ve not killed them and most of the laundry is getting done and I’ve only resorted to McDonald’s a couple of times.

So ignoring all of that dullardness that is being a house husband I have a few things to catch up on like the fact that I’ve launched a Facebook page, Facebook is not my preferred form of social media by any stretch of the imagination. Google+ is the way forward but you’ve got to go where the people are and Facebook is unfortunately that place.

right back to today’s story, its unfortunately a month old now The Monkey Boy having uttered these wonderful words when I unwrapped the Homer Simpson beer glass I’d been given. “Daddy, that’s you on the glass”

I didn’t hit him, honest, it might have crossed my mind but I was too busy glaring at Mrs BC as she smirked and giggled.

sigh………

I promise I’ll make an effort to get back into sharing more with you.

I hope you all had a fantastic festive season

a little Christmas Bokeh

a little Christmas Bokeh

TTFN

Mr Bunny Chow